The Daily Voice

By Lynn Selich

(Left) Wendy Fields and Barbara Foster/photo by Lynn SelichNormally if you walk in to the Bungalow Restaurant in Corona del Mar early on a Tuesday evening you’ll find the usual crowd enjoying a quiet, relaxing atmosphere. But if you came to their “celebrity bartender” event last night you would have found the place packed wall-to-wall, as Newport Beach City Council members (and former mayors) Ed Selich and Steve Rosansky rolled up their sleeves to earn tips in support of the Newport Beach Film Festival.

Newport Beach City Councilman Ed Selich takes a drink order/photo by Lynn SelichThe evening was generously hosted by Bungalow owner Jim Walker, who also donated a portion of the evening’s proceeds in support of the Film Fest on top of the tips made by the celeb barkeeps.

The Newport Beach Film Festival is coming up fast with festivities scheduled from April 22-29, and like all artistic organizations these days, they need all the help they can get to make the event another big success.

A crowd packed the bar at The Bungalow/photo by Lynn SelichIt was an impressive and jovial crowd that filled the quaint bar including Mayor Keith Curry and wife Pamela, Film Festival CEO Gregg Schwenk along with his Film Fest co-founder Todd Quartararo, Seymour Beek and Bobbie Daniel, Newport Beach Chamber Skipper Jerry Sewell and wife Georgia, and Ken Anderson and Zach Lyons of ChopShop – co-producers of the Film Festival’s Action Sports Film Series. Barbara Venezia and Stan Tkaczyk strolled in with Tim Stoaks to support the evening and they don’t even drink, but tipped big for their diet cokes to support the festival. Barbara Foster, Lorin Fields and Wendy Fields joined me in a nice glass of cab. Bill and Bonnie Barrington chatted lightly with Marie Case and Nancy Shoemate. It was so crowded at some points that I had to wave across the room to the likes of Rush Hill, Sue and Steve Tucker, Tim Brown and Stephanie Murguia, Rita Goldberg and Ann Chatillon.

The night was a great success in terms of both “friend-raising” and fundraising for the Newport Beach Film Festival. Cheers to everyone who came out on a “school night” to support councilmen Selich and Rosansky as they shined a spotlight on an international event we can all be proud is held in our beautiful city.

Columnist Lynn Selich resides with her husband in Newport Beach. Her regular column runs every Monday.  She can be reached at lynnselich@roadrunner.com. 

By Lynn Selich

My brother WallyLast night, like millions of people all over the world, I watched the Oscars. And, probably like most of you, was a little surprised that Sandra Bullock won Best Actress over some of Hollywood’s most prized talent. But, in my head I did a little victory dance for Ms. Bullock, because I loved the movie “The Blind Side.” In the movie, Sandra Bullock portrays the feisty Leigh Anne Tuohy, who along with her family adopts a compromised young black man from the projects of Memphis who eventually goes on to play for the NFL’s Baltimore Ravens. It’s a touching movie that we can all relate to on some level.

However, I was moved by the movie for reasons that I hope many who’ve seen it will never experience.

You see, in 1989 my younger brother and only sibling, Wally, was shot and killed in a suburb of Los Angeles – and it just so happened that the man who murdered him is African-American. I refer to my brother’s killer as E51571, his State of California Department of Corrections prison number. The good news, based on the chilling transcripts I received from his recent parole hearing, is that he will likely die in prison serving out his 25-to-life-without-possibility-of-parole sentence. Like the movie, this is not a story about race, it is a story about what can happen when someone looks out for another’s blind side, or not.

When I was younger, and much more naïve, I wanted to understand why this man had done what he had done to our family. Surely, I thought, someone had horribly abused or neglected him along the way to the point that he became capable of killing another human being without regard. Over the years of trying to cope with unexplainable, unthinkable loss, I considered reaching out to E51571 to see if perhaps he had a family on the outside that would suffer from his incarceration, and that his legacy would not only be destroying our family, but that of his own. I was convinced that his children would be destined to live his same fate simply because there was no one watching their “blind side.” And because I believe in what the movie “The Blind Side” espouses – that kindness can and does change the lives of people who find themselves compromised in our society – I thought I might make a difference. I thought about all the men like E51571 and their families, and wanted to make a positive impact on their potential. For wouldn’t they too grow up with the same propensity and end up becoming criminals? Would their kids grow up to kill my kids?

In my naivete, I felt that out of the ashes of sorrow and anger would rise a phoenix that would swoop down and try and change the course of someone who might inflict the result of their neglect on innocent others.

I called and consulted with a slew of proper authorities, and was told flat out that my ideas to “help” E51571 or his family in any way, shape or form was not at all recommended. I was told he is not remorseful; that he is in denial of his actions. That in fact, he does not take advantage of the many programs offered to prisoners by the state of California to rehabilitate and educate themselves, to better themselves despite their past transgressions. And what about his family? No matter which direction I tried to head the conversation, they did not have any information of that nature, and they could only divulge certain aspects of his file directly related to my brother’s murder.

Finally, I gave up my idea, and went back to living my life – trying somewhat successfully to move past the horror of my parents’ anguish, and the thought of living without my brother ... to live a happy, fulfilling life. And over the years, I have used my pent up frustration and sorrow by turning my energy into volunteer hours, secure in the knowledge that even if I didn’t ever find out who, or when, or how, that I probably would impact someone along the way and help them to make choices to become a better person.

Wally and Lynn, 1989When I watched “The Blind Side,” I learned of a story with an ending I wished mine had. Alas, mine is not a Hollywood movie. But in a way, that movie did help me reconcile my struggle to understand what happens to kids like Mike Oher when they are left to fend for themselves in a world hell bent on destroying their character, when no one is watching their “blind side.” The movie reveals that sometimes there is truth in the saying, 'that in our own way each of us can make a choice to positively impact another person'.

I can only hope there are more people out there like the Tuohys, who if given the opportunity, will help give kids like Mike Oher a chance at becoming a success in life instead of another E51571.

Lynn Selich resides in Newport Beach.  Her weekly column runs every Monday.  She can be reached at lynnselich@roadrunner.com. 

by Lynn Selich

“WWJD?” A popular expression most of us are familiar with: “What Would Jesus Do?” But is this catchy phrase a fad or compass for life’s choices?

On a daily basis, I believe this question is easily answered. Let’s say someone is driving slowly in front of us and we are in a hurry. Should we speed by and flip ‘em the bird, or slow down and be patient? No doubt Jesus would take a chill pill and slow down. Help an older person across a busy street? Duh, a no brainer! Jesus would drop everything to help anyone, anytime, anywhere, anyhow.  

(Note: for purposes of this discussion, I refer to Jesus because of the popularity of the coined phrase and the implication that we should base our decisions on what is “right” or “just”. This question could be posed equally across plenty of other religions, i.e. “What Would God Do?” “What Would Allah Do?” “What Would Buddha Do?” “What Would Yahweh Do?” etc. So, for those of you in the audience that do not necessarily believe in Jesus, know that I am not trying to be offensive or insensitive.)

The point is, where do we derive our instructions for life? Tenets of all religions basically are the same.  Simply put, the roads may be different, but the answers tend to be found in a set of teachings and/or rituals that deal with issues of right and wrong, ultimate reality, the meaning of life and how to find fulfillment, spiritual health or salvation. Generally speaking, most religions believe there is a higher authority than man.  

So what about those times in life when questions and decisions are more complicated? Where our choices may have a long-term effect on not just our own sense of well-being or that warm fuzzy we get from being a Good Samaritan?

The answers aren’t always as easy, and I often wonder to this end how leaders, whether on the local or world level, make the tough decisions they face each and every day. What is the barometer? Does WWJD apply? 

Each year, my husband and I attend the Annual Orange Coast Mayors’ Prayer Breakfast hosted by the Orange Coast Christian Outreach. And every year, as we sit in a jam-packed hotel ballroom, I ponder our Constitution’s First Amendment and the fine line between secularity of government and freedom of religious exercise.      

After all, despite the Constitution’s Establishment Clause, didn’t we grow up saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school every day, swearing love of country as “one nation under God?” Isn’t “In God We Trust” the official U.S. motto? The United States Treasury prints the phrase on U.S. currency which is circulated throughout the world.

Like last year, I will sit and listen to another incredibly inspiring speaker, who will likely remind me of why keeping an eye on God’s moral compass is crucial to not only preserving the principles on which our great nation was founded, it is critical in preserving what it means to live in a country that protects our religious beliefs – and that includes not believing.    

It’s a humbling experience. As usual, I will ponder what Jesus would indeed do if he were sitting in the room with us. Would he praise our efforts? Console our inadequacies? Encourage our debate? What if Allah, Buddha and Yahweh were all there too? What would the consensus be?  

On March 16^th, we will once again join hundreds of people at this year’s 46^th Annual Orange Coast Mayors’ Prayer Breakfast, and like years past, I am sure I will leave inspired to live a better life, thankful that we live in a country that protects any and all religious beliefs, and a little more aware of why we question “WWJD?”

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Tickets are still available for the 46^th Annual Orange Coast Mayors Breakfast on March 16, 2010. For more information: www.outreachweek.org.

Lynn Selich resides in Newport Beach. Her weekly column runs every Monday. She can be reached at lynnselich@roadrunner.com. 

By Lynn Selich

We all have one of “those” days now and then. Days when Murphy’s Law seems to be on overdrive, acid or steroids. Surreal and frustrating, I was having a day like that last Thursday, at least for a little while.

The day started out relatively well. I made it through my usual workout, a few hours at the computer, and looked forward to having my raggedy roots colored by a new hipster hairstylist that a friend had highly recommended.

So, off I went for my appointment, secure in the knowledge that in a few mere hours, my gray hairs would magically disappear and I’d be all dolled up in time to celebrate my husband’s birthday (more on that shortly), Friday’s Mayor’s Dinner and our departure for a relaxing weekend in the desert.

My mood remained light until the new stylist kept me waiting an hour and 20 minutes, never to show. I reluctantly agreed to be rescheduled with him again at three p.m.  Yet, 3 o'clock came and went and the guy was nowhere to be found!

I went back home, this time miffed, and began calling around to see if I could get another hair appointment on short notice without much luck, but with a few chuckles on the other end of the phone. Grrrr…. I growled – what a waste of time!

Then in a juxtaposition of mood and media,  I made the colossal mistake of turning on the TV in my office to find practically every channel locked on the image of a robotic Tiger Woods giving a press conference apologizing for his transgressions. The whole scene was stiff, forced and just a tad insincere.

I thought it couldn’t get much worse until I switched the channel and landed on “the other” press conference:  that featuring the supercilious Gloria Allred and her sad-sap, former-Tiger-mistress-now-out-of-work-porn-star client who had the audacity to pronounce to the world she “just wants an apology from Tiger.” Wow. Seriously?! This gal didn’t need a lawyer she needed a good kick in the rear and a reality check. She needed to be the one apologizing! Sadly, she’s not only been screwed by Tiger, she’s being publicly used by another shameless opportunist in the form of her “advocate” Allred.

No one is perfect, I realize that. To err is human – but this sorrowful situation takes the saying to a whole new level. There are so many facets of this top news story that defy reason it’s difficult for me to get my arms around all the issues this one encompasses.

And don’t ask me why, as I watched the sorrowful spectacle, it shoved my mood into something short of road rage. I will try to boil it down to a few issues that top my list.

First, for those of us who married with monogamy on the mind, these folks represent the antithesis of the type of relationship most decent married women (and men) everywhere – especially anyone married to a public figure – strive to maintain. Their behavior flies in the face of everything we enter into marriage for in the first place. Famous or not, the results are the same when people cheat behind their spouse’s back thinking they are going to get away with it. In the long run, everyone loses.

Second, not to sound like a Dr. Laura zealot, when children are involved, we all have a responsibility to do what is in their best interest no matter how titillating any opportunity may be. Period. Whether it’s keeping them away from fast food, fast women or fast cars, it’s an obligation, not an option. That means keeping yourself away from them too – if it results in anything that could affect their well-being.

Life these days is tough enough without this kind of baseline behavior. It’s bad enough that Tiger repeatedly cheated and we have to keep hearing about it, but to have Allred espousing that her client is a victim is more than I can stomach. Is 15 minutes of fame really worth the devastation left in its path? I just find it enraging that so many people in this story chose to publicly air so much dirty laundry without regard to the mind-blowingly, low-brow messages they are sending, or for the people behind the scenes who are hurting and humiliated.

It sends a chill down the spine of any of us hoping to God it never happens to us.

Besides being amazed at their chutzpah, I’ll give ‘em this: at the end of the day, these women are all in a long line of 15-minute-forgetables who mistakenly think their actions make them special, that they are champions of some ‘cause.’ The fact is all they prove is sometimes the old cliché is wrong. It’s not always men that are pigs.

My foul mood finally gave way when I moved on from the refuse on the boob toob, and was able to find an excellent stylist who luckily had a cancellation on Friday morning and did a beautiful job transforming my hair from drab to dreamy.

Our plans to celebrate my dear husband’s birthday went swimmingly, and our decision to try the prix fixe dinner menu offered at The Coliseum at Pelican Hill was a big-time winner. We were dually impressed with both the delicious and reasonably priced meal, and the attentive (but not smothering) service from the friendly, professional staff.

As the sun set and we were enjoying one of the most breathtaking views in Southern California, overlooking a world-class golf course, I reflected on the day’s happenings and decided it came down to something we all need now and then.

Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath, and take a Mulligan. 

Lynn Selich resides in Newport Beach. Her weekly column runs every Monday. She can be reached at lynnselich@roadrunner.com.